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“Nikon is down 23.6 percent year-to-date and is the worst under performer in the Nikkei this year, while the benchmark has rallied nearly 49 percent.” (Reuters)

Well, if you follow photography related websites, this has been posted and discussed pretty much everywhere during the last few days.

So the main question is: as a Nikon user, should you jump off the failboat? Should you sell all your gear and immediately switch to any of the other camera manufacturers?

The answer is obviously yes. The -23,6% in the Nikkei has a bad influence not just for the stock holders, but for the gear itself. It means that, according to my calculations, there’s an increased 18,5% chance that your Nikon gear may  explode (or implode, depending on your location and other scientific factors). Just a couple of days ago I walked in a store and an old lady was complaining about the sudden implosion of her Nikon camera, but the clerk replied:”I’m sorry lady, but due to Nikon’s performance at the Nikkei our tech forgot how to fix it, and we had to throw most of our spares away to reduce chances of self combustion.”

And what about third party products? Do you think that your bag would be safe? No way, during the design process it was tested in order to be able to handle a Nikon camera, so it may fail by proximity.

But the biggest danger are 3rd party lenses. Sigma, Tokina, Tamron and the others, how can you trust their Nikon-mount versions of popular lenses? If your camera may suddenly explode, what do you think that could happen to a lens that was produced to work on a failboat? Won’t somebody please think of the children?

Of course, the bigger the third party product, the bigger the chance of failure. Because of that, Ultra Wide Angle and super zoom lenses should be your first priority: get rid of them. It will be hard to sell them now, internet spread the news and they’re flying as cheap as chips because no one wants to take the risk of buying one. But even if it will mean to sell your lens at fire-sale price, you have to do it.

I’m personally interested in a scientific way in this Nikon/Nikkei/Failboat thing, so in the name of science I’m willing to help people depart from one, and only ONE, UWA lens. I know it’s a risk, it could explode in my hands as soon as I receive it, but I like to live my life on the edge.

So, if you have a Tokina 11-16 (any version), Sigma 10-20 (any version) or Nikon 10-24 (that’s the most prone to explosions!) feel free to contact me and I’ll be happy to give you 5$ (shipping is on you of course) that you can use as you please. But this offer is in a first-come-first-serve basis, so you want to act quickly to get rid of potential threats to the safety of your family. You can thank me later.

Disclaimer: this kind of thing happens every few months for every manufacturer…sometimes it’s a botched product, sometimes it’s the lack of lenses or features, sometimes it’s the Nikkei etc etc. I bet that I could save this article as a draft and post it again in a few months replacing the name “Nikon” with “Canon” and “Nikkei” with a fail-product. But after all I should not complain, it’s thanks mostly to panicked boat jumpers that it’s always easy to find second hand lenses in near mint conditions.